Archive | September 2016

What’s with the pink hair?

I’ve always been fairly conservative in how I dress, my hair and makeup. But when my mom got the first turquoise strip in her white hair, I started thinking: I could do that, but I would do pink.

I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to fit in, trying to please everyone. The one who was up for anything, easy going, wanting peace, wanting to be liked by everybody. I went through life worried about what other people would think. I either was who I thought everybody wanted me to be or I did not speak. I felt so different from everybody else, I was afraid of not fitting in.

You can imagine how well that worked out for me, how happy that made me. I’m not sure that I made too many other people happy, either, not really. I don’t think I was very good at being somebody else.

I’ve come to realize that my old story about not being able to maintain any weight loss, about gaining the weight in the first place, is about not feeling safe in the world around me, not feeling safe to be all of who I really am. The extra weight a protective layer between me and the world. In fact, my whole weight loss journey, this time around, has really been about being who I really am, accepting all of me, and showing who I am to the world. It’s about following my light and shining my light. It’s about stepping out of my comfort zone to do what brings me joy, peace, purpose; it’s about expanding my comfort zone so that I feel safe in the world being all of who I am.

What I’ve learned is that I’m much better and more successful at being myself than trying to be someone I think others want me to be. It’s a lot easier, too. I’m not really counting or caring so much how many people like me and how many don’t. I do know that I am more and more in situations where I am accepted and loved exactly as I am. My comfort zone is expanding. I’m living each day more fully. I am happier, overall, than I’ve ever been.

Julie AnnSo, back to the pink hair. It was finally time. I’ve been going through some stuff for a few weeks, not stuff happening to me, but releasing old shit and having a tough time keeping my vibration high. I needed a pick-me-up, and getting my hair done has always been a mood lifter. Not wanting to cut my hair or change the style, coloring it magenta was the logical next choice. While I felt like it would take some courage leading up to it, when the time finally came, it was easy. I thought it might feel dramatic, but it really feels natural, the fun part of myself, right up front. (Remember the mullet, business in the front, party in the back? Party is in the front this time.)

Because this is me.

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Teach Me How to Trust Myself

I sat with my health/life coach, telling her how frustrated I’ve been with my cravings. About how difficult it’s been to stay away from potato chips and kettle corn, wondering why my salads of lean protein and veggies aren’t satisfying anymore. I tell her, what I really want, after being mostly gluten-free for several years, is a fucking sandwich. We talked about when and why I originally gave up wheat and how it makes me feel now. How being gluten free isn’t actually making me feel fantastic anymore. She asked me if I would be willing to trust my body and experiment with small amounts of a healthier bread.

I was recently presented with an opportunity to approach my weight loss coaching practice from a different angle, offering meal replacements that have proven results. I talked to some people, did my research. It was tempting, it had proven results, it would be an easy sell, but I didn’t feel in alignment with it, it felt heavy in my gut. I trusted my gut and felt re-inspired in the work that I am doing.

When I was encouraged to start my blog, to write more, the message I was given was that as long as I am authentic, speaking from my truth, I will always be protected. Not that everyone would like me or agree with me, but that I will always be protected. Every time I write or speak, I trust that truth.

Trust has been a theme for me lately.

Like most of us, I’ve been hurt, betrayed, trusted the wrong people, made bad decisions. And like a lot of us, I closed my heart a little with every betrayal, stopped trusting so easily. In my darker places, my expectations have sometimes been colored by what’s been shown to me in the past by others, when the current person or situation has done nothing to deserve my distrust. The people in my life deserve so much more from me than that.

Can I trust myself enough to open my heart?

As I’ve healed from past mistakes, I’ve come to know that my intuition has NEVER led me wrong. When I’ve followed my intuitive guidance, I have always made good decisions, the best decisions for me at that time. I’ve not always taken the easiest path, but it’s always been a positive outcome. The mistakes I’ve made, people I shouldn’t have trusted, there were always signs that I ignored. People really do show you who they are, if you pay attention.

It’s not so much about trusting others indiscriminately, it’s about trusting my own instincts about who to trust.

The life I want to live is calling for me to open my heart and trust myself again. Trust my body, trust my gut, trust my intuition, trust my voice.

Teach me how to trust my heart, my mind, my intuition, my inner knowing, the senses of my body, the blessings of my spirit, teach me to trust these things so that I may enter my sacred space and love beyond my fear And thus walk in balance with the passing of each glorious sun. ~Lakota Prayer

Rose quartz heart

When you are about to give up

“Why are you telling me all this?”
“Because you are trying to realize your Personal Legend. And you are at the point where you’re about to give it all up.”
~from The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho

I’ve been here many times, trying to realize my Personal Legend, trying to serve my life purpose, “And you are at the point where you’re about to give it all up.” But it goes on:

“And that’s when you always appear on the scene?”
“Not always in this way, but I always appear in one form or another.”

Feeling frustrated because I was only seeing what has not yet materialized, I “checked out” for a little while with some books and a bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. And in order to “check out,” I had to visit the bookstore. And when I was gathering my books for my  vacation from reality, my attention was brought to the shelf a little distance away where The Alchemist stood, as if lighted arrows were pointing at it. The Alchemist, which I’ve been saying I wanted to read for years and never bothered to look for. And this time I bought it.

Only 24 pages in, “And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” And the very next page: “And you are at the point where you’re about to give it all up.” “And that’s when you always appear on the scene?”

Yes! Frustrated, wallowing in my perceived failure, just about ready (but not too seriously) to give it all up, this book shows up, lit up with fireworks and a band: “Because you are trying to realize your Personal Legend. And you are at the point where you’re about to give it all up.” Wait, are you talking to me? Hello, did we not compel you to buy this book?! Yes, we’re talking to you! “And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” Do we need to say any more? Look around you, you can see the truth.

My dream is to make a living as a writer, coach, speaker, including some energy healing and tarot reading. I’ve had challenges, made wrong turns, lost my passion, found it again, almost giving up. Every time I’ve almost given up, I’ve had sudden inspiration, an idea, an opportunity that came seemingly out of nowhere, to bring me back onto the path, leading my closer, getting more clear. It can be frustrating and scary. But living the life of unrealized potential, living with NOT realizing my Personal Legend, is scary as hell.

Once again, I’m here, “at the point where you’re about to give it all up.” Because I was guided to write, just write, every week. All you need to do right now is write. Not only is it hard to see how just writing once a week is going to lead me to my dreams, it’s also scary to put myself out there every week, having a subject every week, trying to write well and say something meaningful every week. So I checked out, and still, I was reminded that the universe is conspiring to help me. Oh yeah, the opportunities to join a writing group, the opportunity to submit a guest blog, the 10 day writing challenge, the book with the message I needed to hear, do you think that’s the universe conspiring to help me?

I’ll tell you, the signs are clearer and more numerous this time around. I’m on the right track. I’ve also opened my eyes, I’m noticing signs, and I’m open for opportunity. I’m clearer on my passion, my Personal Legend. I’m committed this time, blood, sweat, and tears, whatever it takes. The universe’s support is matching my commitment.

What is your passion? What is your Personal Legend? What are your dreams? Open your eyes, look around, the universe is conspiring to help you.