I was talking to somebody the other day about my passion as a Health Coach and my upcoming talk, “Loving Yourself to Weight Loss” and I said something to the effect of “you can’t hate your body into losing weight.” And I realized later that is not true.
You CAN hate your body into losing weight. I should know, I’ve done it a number of times. A lot of us have.We’ve put off living our lives, we’ve hidden in the back row and worn black because we do not have the body type that we are told by the media and, let’s be honest, by other women who are not really our friends, is considered attractive. And we hate ourselves for it, for all of it. We hate ourselves for the extra weight and we hate ourselves for not living our lives. If someone talked to our best friend, sister, daughter, mother, the way we talked to ourselves, we would punch them.
So we’ve driven ourselves to 800 calorie a day diets, hours in the gym, being scolded by our trainers because we put a yolk in our egg whites one morning and accidentally sniffed a piece of cake. We’ve counted calories, weight watcher points, carbs, and sugar. We’ve alternatively given up fat, fruit, dairy, gluten, anything that tastes good.
And it works. You CAN hate your body to weight loss. It does work. I’ve done it. Multiple times. But the weight always, always comes back.
You’re obsessed with your diet and the gym. You’ve lost 40 pounds and you feel great physically. You’ve bought new clothes and are feeling a little more confident. Then, the shit hits the fan. Life. A bad break-up, death, the hot water heaters dies, you hurt your knee, work stress, your co-worker looked at you wrong, or you just hit the wall and after 2 years, you simply cannot weigh another piece of chicken again.
You are left to cope with the person that you hate: yourself.
The great feelings and confidence, liking yourself, were all conditional on the 40 pounds you lost and on life staying on an even keel. And then you find yourself sitting in the parking lot of Whole Foods, eating a cookie while the anxiety floats away. But it’s only temporary and you need another cookie.
If this feels at all familiar to you, I want you to know that there is another way, a way that works. It’s magic and it’s transformational.
The magical formula for happiness, confidence, and healthy weight loss is self love. When you love and accept yourself the way you are right now, you can make your life anything you desire. Positive transformation is possible. Whether life is awesome or the shit is hitting the fan, you are always with someone you love. You treat your body with respect and talk to her like you would a best friend. You know that happiness is in your control and of your own making and not conditional on outside events.
You will, one day, find yourself in the parking lot of Whole Foods eating a cookie. But you won’t hate yourself for it and it won’t escalate to a 2-year binge. You’ll lick your fingers, you’ll remember that you love yourself, and you’ll drive away like the queen that you are.
When you are treating yourself with loving self-care, the weight can come off, if that is what’s healthy for your body.
But even before that happens, you know that you are beautiful, because you are walking around, living your life, shining the light and love of who you really are.
I’ll be talking more about Loving Yourself to Weight Loss on Sunday, March 20, 3PM at Breakthru Family Fit 4 Life in Stamford, CT. Check out our meetup or website for details: