Fear and Surrender

It’s a dark night. A man dressed in black walks confidently down the street, heading path toward a shining, yellow light. The path is lit right in front of him. He’s following the light, on step at a time, as it’s revealed to him. The Hermit, IX The Path in the Book of Shadows Tarot, Book 1, As Above. My inspiration for writing this week.

The literal meaning of the card was unhelpful for my present situation. But what I saw was somebody following the path one step at a time. Stepping in faith. And I heard “surrender.” A call for me to stop trying to control things and have faith in a higher power and my own intuitive guidance.

I thought writing my weekly blog post would get easier the more I wrote and it’s actually gotten harder. I procrastinate and face writer’s block. Not a single bit of inspiration all week.

So I started the Tibetan singing bowl music, G# for the throat chakra, and meditated.

In my meditation, I was faced with dinosaurs, dragons, and humongous, scary bug creatures. And I stood and faced each fear until it faded away.

The writer’s block, procrastination, it’s all about fear. Because I’ve made a commitment to write every week, I stand face-to-face with the bug creature until it melts away and I keep writing.

What is the fear about? The fear is about writing what the fear is about.

The fear is about coming out of the spiritual closet. The fear is about moving from the logical and safe world of a corporate job, technology, programming, project management and moving into more of myself as an intuitive, energy healer, coach/counselor, writer, speaker, teacher, spiritual leader.

  • what if I can’t make a living
  • what if the intuitive guidance I’m receiving and sharing is total crap
  • what if reiki doesn’t really do anything
  • what if people think I’m a whack job

This fear is not trusting in the journey that I have embarked upon. So I am being called to surrender, to follow the path as it is shown to me one step at a time. And the guidance I keep receiving is to keep writing. The evidence is in front of me, that surrender and faith is the way to go. A Higher Power and the wisdom of my own higher self have my back.

Here is what I know for sure:

  • The more I speak and live from my heart, as my authentic self, the more like-minded people I meet, and communities I find in which I can thrive. What people think matters less and less.
  • When I follow my own intuitive guidance, I make the best decisions. My mind alone gets me in trouble. I can cite examples of making decisions I felt excited about, against all logic, that turned out awesome.
  • Meditation, positive thinking, faith, and surrender have made me a kinder, more patient, less reactive, more compassionate person.
  • I’ve felt the healing power of various kinds of energy healing and witnessed the positive effects on my own clients.

Most importantly: wherever I end up, I know that, since I’ve been on this particular journey, following my path to being my most authentic self and where I am guided to be of service in the world, I have been happier on a more regular basis than I have in my life. For that, I will walk in faith.

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